It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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