In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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