I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
