Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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