How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
