Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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