i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
