his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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