If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
