i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
