Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
