i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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