My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
