I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
