Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
