I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
