I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
