erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
