You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
