I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
