break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize