I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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