if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
