I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
