I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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