You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
