Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
