when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
