It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
