Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
