I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
