I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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