Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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