are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
