you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
