i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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