I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
