I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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