apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
