I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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