Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How external is "for external use only"?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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