i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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