Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
