so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
