His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I checked into jail on foursquare
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
