I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
