your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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