birth control should be required to get into college
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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