I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
