there's paper in my vomit.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
