Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am mentally ready for anal.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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