chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
