my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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