Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
