So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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