were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
