weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
