my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize