Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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