His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
