Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
