Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Best friends brother. Beat that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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