glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
