Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
