Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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