I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
