I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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