he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
