It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
