Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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