He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
