I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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