The maid of honor just puked.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
