You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
