So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
