I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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