All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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