fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
