I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize