i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
