fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
