Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
